Eclipse
by yykhung
Summary: Hot "Damn-eron" knew the moment he laid eyes on Rey, he was officially screwed. He wishes that her eyes were for him.
1. Eclipse

She is the sunshine, she is the light.

A scavenger that rose out of the dust of nothing to become everything the Resistance needed.

When all hope was extinguished on Crait in their bleakest hour, she personified hope. Luke Skywalker's final apprentice, the true last Jedi.

Poe remembered feeling his breath literally being sucked out of him as he urged his most replayed memory through his mind again.

 _The group, desperately running down forgotten and forsaken tunnels coming quickly to a wall of frozen rocks. There was no escape. Only certain, impending blast fire from the First Order once Luke Skywalker could no longer buy them time._

 _Poe Dameron was always the first to charge into battle, the first to pull the trigger, the first to ecstatically sign himself up for whatever crazy mission they had. Poe relished in the whispers he heard about himself on base, "Hot Damn-eron". He had nothing else to live for anyways except the hope that his life would mean something along the struggle. If he couldn't live to see peace, he at least wanted to be remembered as a hero._

 _He crumbled on the floor, exhaling desperation and loss. He led them to a dead end._

 _No one would blame him, no one else could have stirred the group to even make the last run except him. He couldn't even die the hero he wanted to be._

 _Pebbles on the ground started to shake, then levitate. Strings of light pierced through. Suddenly, the wall broke, and there, in the midst of the smoke, snow and rubble, she stood. Hesitant, surprised, yet unwavering._

Poe's eyes flickered open, immediately focusing on the girl with chestnut hair across the Millennium Falcon. It had been close to three days since they escaped, since they first officially met, and he stupidly couldn't come up with anything suaver when she introduced herself as Rey besides a slick, "I know".

He buried his dark brown locks in his hands resting on his knees, wallowing in self-deprecation. He was everyone's flyboy, the straight shooter that should be able to make any girl's knees weak just by a glance towards their way.

If she was like anyone else, she would have already been cozying up to him already, and he would be retelling battle stories that he kept in his pocket, specifically when he was feeling an itch to get lucky.

But she wasn't like everyone else. Hell, he knew the moment he laid eyes on her that he was officially screwed.

Her hazel eyes caught his staring at her, his mouth went dry as he tried to swallow. His adam's apple seemed to stop working as his breath got caught in his throat as she worked her way across towards him, smiling. He felt a tremor race down his spine as her footsteps neared.

 _Shit._

 _Shit, shit, shit, shit. His favorite memory hit auto play in his mind._

 _Rocks levitated around her, being suspended in a light blue halo. Her small, gentle hand stretched and straining. He involuntarily reached out to her, as if she was beckoning him to join her. He'd follow her anywhere._

She was everything. Even her name was perfect. He panicked and hungrily drunk in her sway out of he lids of his hooded eyes. How could he explain his staring?

He gulped.

 _Should he just go for it like he always did?_

Who was he kidding, she'd slice him in half with that lightsaber.

 _Fuck, even that sounded like a fitting end for him. He quickly fantasized fighting side by side her, energy pulsating, adrenaline running high, suddenly grabbing her out of harm's way and crushing her to hi-_

"Hi Poe", she said. _Why did his brain stop working?_

"Uh…Hey, hi Rey", he replied. _He groaned. All his previous conquests laughed at him._

"You look tired, you should get some rest," she said, lightly patting him on his shoulder, half smiling and giving him a look of light concern.

He squeezed his eyes tight and mentally slapped himself. He ignored the fluttering, tingly feeling he got.

"Tell me about yourself, Miss Mysterious," he finally mustered, pushing himself backwards into a lazy sprawl, willing himself to regain any remnants of that "cool composure" he reputed.

 _He was threatening to throw up his heart, which was thumping in his throat at his point_.

Days continued to be counted as the rag-tag group jumped from desolate place to abandoned planet, one after another.

He finally settled into a comfortable state of constant, yet manageable giddiness around her. She was like sunlight, the group basked in her warmth and welcoming light.

So he knew, that behind every smile that she radiated, every laugh that she filled the room with, was coupled with an occasional backwards glance towards nowhere.

At first, he hoped that her momentary glances were her eyes searching the room for him. Whenever they locked eyes, he saw comradery, hope, and friendship.

He was the best pilot they had to offer, he was a fighter, he was a survivor, he was a rebellion front gunner.

But he knew because he memorized everything down to her freckled nose and long eyelashes, that those eyes of sunlight, where not meant for him. They cast sadness and solemn affection towards the direction of the vast void of space.

How he wished he could eclipse it all with his own longing.


	2. Daffodil

Months crept by.

The Resistance celebrates and mourns simultaneously whenever their pilots leave and return. Their squadron's numbers were so abysmally small that they'd hardly be considered a group anymore. Their missions mostly consist of single flight surveying, looking for safe hiding spots, following leads on rebellion informants and keeping their feeling of settled fleeting.

Poe made it a regular routine to bring back something from each of his land surveys. He always brought back enough to share, not that it was hard enough to with the small numbers that remained. It gave him an alibi to slip special presents to Rey every chance he got, each time working up more nerve to tell her stories of his adventures, which he normally boasted so well. _Make her special by not really being special…but still being special. Right, Dameron. You're losing it_.

This last trip, he brought back oddly colored fruits of varying flavors on sticks, covered in a sugary coat for the group to share. The remaining crew gobbled it up and playfully swat at each other to get an extra piece. While the rest of the team was distracted, Poe climbed up on top of the Falcon and settled as comfortably as he could next to Rey, who was staring up at the stars.

"Hey Jedi," he joked. _Princess, precious_. _God, even he got grossed out at the names he'd rather be murmuring into hair_.

"As usual, Poe Dameron, First Pilot, Captain Magnificent, has returned to your side, bearing a peace offering." He leaned on his natural sense of sarcastic humor to muscle through a conversation.

"Hmm," Rey hummed back, not breaking her gaze at the stars.

He stuck a small bundle of unevenly cut flowers, in front of her face, breaking her line of sight with the heavens above.

She pushed herself backwards and brought herself up so she was sitting upright. She hesitated and then tenderly reached out to the bundle in front of her. Six white petals hugged a yellow trumpet that emerged from the middle. She delicately touched the petals and said, "Oh Poe, these are lovely. What are they?"

A smile tugged hard at his lips, and he settled on a half smirk as to try to downplay his excitement. He waffled on what to bring her back this time, wondering if she'd see through the blatant romantic implications behind flowers. He wasn't ready for her to know anything yet. _Even though she can probably search my mind for whatever she wanted_.

"These are called 'flowers', Rey. They are plants that produce blooms and vary in colors, shapes and sizes. These specific ones are called 'daffodils'. They represent friendship". _As well as 'you're the only one'._

He watched as her eyes dilated and pushed the bunch closer to her. "They're for you."

"I've never received flowers before, or honestly even seen even half the things you bring back for _us_ Poe," Rey's word choice hanging in the air.

"Well, here's to a bunch of firsts then!" he countered and nudged his shoulder playfully into hers. She giggled and replied, "here's to firsts then." _If I can be your first, your last, your everything, he thought greedily._

Poe had practically skipped through the market place on his latest mission. He found a source of water, a large uninhabited clearing as well as treats for his crewmates. All that was left was to sneak something in for Rey.

His eyes magnetized upon a rare sight. Flowers. He hadn't seen flowers in years since the war began.

He asked the seller what the bunch of daffodils meant, remembering his mother telling him that flowers had their own language.

"Well these specific ones can represent hope, new beginnings, friendship, you're the only one, ray of sunshine…," the merchant started to rattle on.

"She'll love these! I'll take a bunch. I've gotta start slow with this one, can't mess this one up. She's definitely the one, and totally my ray of sunshine," Poe eagerly traded credits for the tender flowers.

 _Poor simple young man, they also mean "unrequited love". She didn't have the heart to tell him that after seeing how excited he was in finding something so pure to give to the girl he's so clearly entrapped by._

Rey stood alone in her private quarters. Most of the crew had shared space, but seeing as the Falcon was kind of her own ship now, she was able to claim one of the rooms upon the aging ship for herself. She was grateful and didn't press the subject or protest. She was tired, and felt content, almost peaceful at the moment. The group had just had a small meal together to celebrate Rose, another new companion her friend Finn seemed to make, recovering from her injuries.

She clumsily set up a battered mug filled with water and placed the flowers that Poe gave her inside it. It was almost laughable to keep such a delicate thing in the middle of war. He was always so insistent on maintaining a sense of normalcy amongst space jumps. She appreciated it, and felt surrounded by people that she cared about for the first time in her life.

But somehow it still felt hollow. She closed her eyes as she felt a familiar pop come over her.

She does not turn around. Kylo Ren looks at her back. He approaches her and comes so close, she can almost feel his heartbeat on her back. He touches the petals of the daffodils from behind her, his arm dangerously close to hers. His fingers gently touch each flower tenderly, as if each petal can replace something else that he cannot touch anymore.

She exhales and an angry, anguished hot tear leaks from her eyes. She still refuses to turn around to him, choosing only to shift her weight to the balls of her heels, resting the back of her head on his chest that does not move until he disappears.

 _Waves on a beach ebb and fall quickly. Wind is brewing and dark clouds threaten to envelop the island. A familiar push washes over her and the seas calm. "Breathe, Rey, breathe. Calm your thoughts and still the seas." A light pressure is pushed against her forehead and fingertips. They are welcoming and familiar._

Rey's eyes flutter open. She frowns, whose memory was that? Her left hand is suspended, open palmed as if she was pushing against something. Her hand falls next to her limply.

The moment lingers in the air, loneliness tangible.


	3. 27 Kelvins

Poe gains more confidence in himself as time goes by, almost regaining his normal flirty composure around Rey. He sometimes lazily slings his arm around her shoulder as they walk, occasionally allowing himself to indulge in brushing his fingertips across her knuckles before she draws away, laughing. It encourages him to keep toeing the line to let this feeling live for another day.

Today he asks her to tell her anything about herself, to share a memory. Today he hungered to push his luck to know something that no one else might yet know about her, he wanted a secret.

Rey had never been pursued before by a boy, nor had she had anyone to ever explain these kinds of social interactions to her. She liked Poe, amongst all her other friends, but deep down, she couldn't place a name on the feeling he evoked from her. It was unfamiliar, but not all the way unpleasant.

"It's silly, sometimes I don't know if it was my loneliness that made it up or if it is a memory that is trying to not be forgotten," she starts. His eyes never leave her lips, drunk on the sound of her voice.

 _Small, clumsy, young hands tug at her soft baby hairs._

 _"Make me a space princess! I want to play space princesses!" a young Rey excitedly requests._

 _Giggles erupt from the owner of the hands that knot three looped buns, mimicking mockingly what they've seen on others. The three buns are messy, lopsided, and horribly uneven._

 _They're the best things she'd ever received in her life._

"So, I guess it's just become a habit of mine to always keep this hairstyle," she points at her buns.

"Rey, you know that I'll always come back to find you right?" Poe says softly. He's been waiting for her to let any sign of her guard down with him.

She brings up one knee to her chest and hugs it. She just blushes lightly and nods.

He shrugs off his flight jacket and drapes them over her shoulders. His fingertips trace her shoulders. "It's cold. You should turn in soon. I'm keeping next watch anyways." She nods while looking outside, never seeing his eyes that beg hers to meet his.

Poe settles into the flight deck seat, gearing up for another lightspeed jump. His favorite moment is watching the flicking dots on the black backdrop becoming strings of light as they zoomed by. Poe often reached out, grabbing them, wondering if they were threads of fate, intertwining, changing, and multitudes of possibilities.

 _Rey, sometimes, it's like you're here, but not here. What are you searching for?_

"Space is always cold Poe," Rey says once she is alone. Running in space was a sanctuary compared to being weighed down by waiting.

 _"If you keep that stupid hairdo, I'll always recognize you," whispers her memory. A smile on a face that she can't allow herself to see is a secret shrouded between shadows and her soul._


	4. Jumping Ships

"General, there is an informant that says they'll meet me in Takodana in four days," Poe tells Leia during a briefing. "He is willing to tell us the First Order's next few plans of travel. They are fractured right now and have unsteady leadership. This is our chance to get ahead rather than just keep running."

General Organa looks at Poe with a soft look. A shadow passes through her, and she shakes her head as she sinks back deeper into her seat.

"And somehow, you telling me this, makes you think I'll tell you this is a great idea and to go and save us all?" Leia snorts at him. "Too many losses Dameron. We'll keep running until we can regroup with our partners. We can't have another Crait."

Poe remains silent. He bows abruptly and excuses himself. He has at least learnt restraint moons ago. A ripple of guilt passes though him and the memory of Admiral Holdo makes him close his eyes.

 _Damnit! When will we ever stop running? I keep fucking up. Nothing I do is right._

He settles with Finn and Rose discussing options, alternatives, and crazy notions. Rey lingers, pressed comfortably against the wall. The group bicker back and forth. Sometimes agreeing, sometimes disagreeing. Poe slams his fists against the table. Finn and Rose flinch at the sudden movement. Rey's eye narrowed.

Ultimately, Poe decides he is going anyways, alone if he has to.

"Look, I'm going whether anyone wants to come with me or not. The informant is going to be there, it's probably just a stray stormtrooper that's been pushed around too many times and needs some extra credits to buy drinks at Maz's. It's just enough to pretend that with whatever he's going to tell me will keep us at least a step ahead of being pursued to the edges of the galaxy."

"That's dangerous," growls Rey. Everyone stops and looks at her. She had been silent the past few days. Her eyes lock with Poe. It's the longest he's held her gaze, but today is not the circumstance that he wants her to. He feels the line between his temper and longing licking him in on the inside. Is he brave enough to interpret this as concern for him?

"Yeah? Why don't _you,_ the girl who willingly shipped herself practically wrapped as a present to the _enemy_ , at least volunteer to come with me," Poe spat out before he could stop himself. _God, this is not going the way he wanted it to. Way to blow an invitation. Picking a fight with Rey was the last thing he wanted to do._

"You escaped. What happened up there anyways? How'd you do it, I'll need all the pointers I can get," he pushes, gambling on her previous hostility as being stiff concern.

Rey's hair that she had started leaving down, started to twist and fan out behind her, the air tensing with an invisible crackle.

"Rey?" Finn asks gently.

"Yes, I escaped," she said finally, cutting the tension in the air. "And paid dearly for it," she finished, punctuating every word that hung precariously in the air.

The conversation died and she turned to retreat back to her quarters.

The horizon blushed with dawn before Rey broke from her meditation. A nightmare washed over her that night. It was not uncommon for her to not sleep anymore.

 _"Give me the treasure map to Naboo's crown jewels!" cries a young voice as its owner leaped off a rock tumbling on the grass._

 _"I've got you now! There is no escape princess!" he continues, this time pointing his twig at Rey._

 _"Escape? But you have not captured me you scoundrel. I am a space princess and I come and go as I please. I am not your prisoner, I am your guest! You cannot harm me," Rey chants back in an overly exaggerated regal voice, puffing out her chest a bit._

 _"Oh yeah? Watch me!" the other young child shouts, tackling Rey with tickles. "Monster! Sto-p-p," Rey gasps between giggles as she grasps out to tickle back._

 _"I'll take whatever I want princess!"_

Hate is used by those that cannot solve problems; it is the failure to comprehend or compromise conflict. And she hated how she had never not wanted memories as much as she did right now.

Poe hesitated at Rey's door. He raised his knuckles and put them back down. He hadn't been so nervous since bringing her an obsidian crystal from D'Qar, and her accurately identifying it as a proposal custom. They had laughed it off to Poe's ignorance. _Masked ignorance, he added_.

 _Does she know I'm pacing like crazy out here? Hello, that is my stomach on the floor, presently not staying where it should._

He leaned his forehead against her door, deciding that he was going to chicken out and just see her when he got back. He rolled so his back was upon her door.

He briefly considered squashing this crush or whatever anyone wanted to call this burning affection he held onto. When was the last time he couldn't knock on a damn door? This was stupid and pointless.

She saw him as a friend, practically stormed off after their last interaction without so much a backwards glance. He bitterly told himself over and over that he was not jealous of Finn, who at least evoked effortless smiles from Rey.

 _Yeah? But at least Finn doesn't have to bring flowers or rocks to create an opening to even talk to her._

Poe sighs and walks down the hallway to hanger. He was going to have sneaky flight in front of him, and needed to focus on slipping out and slipping back in. He couldn't afford distractions right now.

Adrenaline hummed through him as he drew closer to his X-Wing. Nothing like impending possibilities of doom to shake off his nerves of not being able to knock on Rey's door. _And for once, your sarcasm leans closer to truth than irony._

Shoving his helmet on and climbing in his ship, he finally felt confidence flooding him again. If there was one thing that he felt more comfortable than his own skin, was in his X-Wing. He flicked off the comm and silently disembarked, not taking BB-8 with him to avoid the risk of being tracked. This should take no longer than a few hours, and if anything, a few jugs of fire whiskey should satisfy the rebels and distract them from his absence.

Landing as comfortably as he took off, Poe climbed out and headed to Maz's cantina, crawling with patrons with varying levels of bounty on their heads.

He settles just outside her Castle, on the far-left post, like they had agreed. Impatience blooms within him as the sunset bleeds away like a forgotten sienna and amber promise. Did he get the time wrong?

Twilight was the last breath between daylight and darkness, and it was upon him. The last rays of sunlight painted the sky in pink bands reached out to the night.

 _Great, I'm being stood up. Two rejections in one day. You're really racking up the count today_.

He started back to his X-Wing. He pushed his time as long as he felt comfortable with still being allowed to return back to General Organa. He inwardly winced as he thought about the tongue-lashing he was about to receive from her.

He paused and looked down at his feet. Daisies. He crouched down and loosened them from the ground. "Loyalty and innocence," he chuckled to himself.

He heard the whisper in his ear before he could see who spoke to him.

And then he was swept into darkness.


	5. Define the Line

"Tell me about Kylo Ren, Rey. What happened?" Finn presses gently. He knows walking away from everyone was hard for her after that last interaction. Not as hard as the loneliness he knew she'd feel once she made it back to her room.

"He's…not evil. But he's also not good. He just thinks that…he's _right_."

The distance between them heavily becoming a tangible yearning. They were neither far enough or near enough. Just some terribly lonely in between.

There is a fine line between longing, loving and madness.

 _Let me be the dark thoughts that crawls into the crevices of your mind, that bleeds into every secret. Let me consume your hope, your dreams, let me be the source of your every nightmare._

 _Let me sink so far away from redemption, so far away from you so you don't dare come close._

 _Because I can't be what you want me to be anymore. Burn down every memory. So at least, let me be something in your every present thought, because there, at least I'll always be._

Kylo Ren sat in the shadows, watching the dark-haired Resistance pilot slowly stir. Caught twice.

His mask hides his closed eyelids that dart back and forth as he sinks into a memory he destroyed once before.

 _"I'm scared," a young girl lets out reluctantly. The pair had been out wandering too late, and the darkness of the night hugged them seductively._

 _"Rey, just jump. I'll catch you, you know I will," a young boy says patiently. She clings tighter to the tree branch she somehow found herself wrapped up in – too far from the trunk and too close to the edge._

 _"No! It doesn't have to go this way! I'm scared! Don't make me jump!" she cries out._

 _"You're still holding on! Come on! Please, I want to get you down from there," the boy pleads._

 _He catches her as the branch cracks under her trembling weight._

 _She is panicked, beginning to hyperventilate._

 _"Breathe, take deep breathes. Focus just on my voice and my fingertips. Let's go there," he says as he presses his forehead against hers._

 _Eyes sewn shut, the pair see their secret sanctuary carved out in their mind. A high cliff island that tops off with a grassy flat plain. Ocean waves crash frantically around, and dark clouds swirl manically around the two children whose foreheads are pressed so hard against each other that if this was a real dimension, there'd be red marks. Rey quickly intertwined both hands with his desperately._

 _Slowly the waves stop crashing and the winds quell to a light breeze._

 _She rocks back to sit on her heels. She is calmed. Hands still tangled together, she opens her eyes after silent meditation._

 _"Thanks Ben-Ren," she finally smiles at him again. A nickname that stuck, born between gasps of air and giggles in a tickle right._

Once before, heights were her only fear. Not crushing loneliness. Not the ache of not knowing why you long the way you do. The bond flickers between them. He knows that his memory bleeds into hers. He is tired of shielding his mind to her.

When Kylo Ren opens his eyes to stare at Poe. He inhales. "Show me everything", he commands.

I'm sorry this has taken so long to upload. I actually have this story drafted and written out over 13 chapters, but I work close to 14 hour days and havent been able to bring myself to work on this recently. I have drafted out at least 3 alternative endings. Thank you for all the encouraging comments and messages! I am working on at least proof reading another chapter to upload again soon. this ended up being shorter than I intended originally, but I wanted to at least get something out. Stay tuned!


	6. Prison

Darkness. A pounding that is worse than a hangover. Poe knows plenty of those.

As his vision adjusts to the bright beam of light over him, he slowly makes out the outline of a crouching figure wearing a mask.

"Hello Rebel," Kylo Ren rasps out after silence hung over them. "We meet again. Not too sharp are you?"

Poe grunts as he struggles against his bindings. _I'm going to die here alone, abstinent for the past 7 months, and worse – Rey won't know a single thing. Ugh, why did I list things in increasing importance?_

"I'm just looking for one thing. Resist. Don't resist. It doesn't matter to me. I'll take what I want," Kylo Ren says to him, drawing nearer.

Poe feels panic washing over him. He'll know where the remaining Resistance members are, he'll know how fragmented and weak they are, struggling to live day by day. He'll see their next plans. Poe's only thought is to block out any thoughts about the Resistance by flooding his mind with his favorite subject.

Daffodils, Daises, obsidian crystals, sunlight, hazel eyes. Poe's mind scrambles to think of anything that reminded him of Rey – which wasn't too difficult.

 _I'm going to die without ever at least holding Rey's hand._

Poe starts to let his mind wander, trying to block out the ramming in his head. He dabbled into memories and blending them with his own elaborated versions of how he felt it should have went. (author's note – this is totally a spin off opportunity lol)

 _How he wanted to wrap his fingers around hers when he gave her flowers for the first time. How he wishes she would snuggle into his jacket every time he handed it to her. How he imagines their first hug – maybe a bit of stumbling, laughter and long gazes. He imagines her smile and pink lips. He sees her blushing, tilting her head adorably into his touch. He sees her shyly biting one corner as they draw closer to each other for a first kiss._

Inside Poe's mind, he stares at her, relearning how to breathe while simultaneously wanting to impale the man in front of him.

His fists curled into a fist. There would be no Resistance blood spilled today. He needed Poe alive. He was grateful for the mask. He's not sure of what is face would show. He walks slowly to the chamber doors, collecting his thoughts and trying to think of what to do next. He hadn't expected it to be so easy to get what he was looking for.

Poe's waves of nausea were slowly subsiding, so he spat out, "how do you even live with yourself? All those you've killed. Planets you've destroyed. All for what?"

Kylo Ren stood straight up."This? All this? It's hardly called living. This is a prison. But this hell is my sanctuary compared to everything else."

He slowly removes his mask to Poe. Poe's eye's trace over the wicked, angry scar slashed across his face. _My girl did that do you_.

"Your girl? Yes…tell me more about the girl," Kylo Ren's face darkens, eyes burning holes into Poe.

Poe's stomach drops again for the second time this day, but this time out of sheer fear out of revealing exactly what the monster was looking for, rather than regret of his unresolved longing.

 _What have I done?_


End file.
